~JcZw

"Poor guy... all the way from Boon Lay... OCS cadet"

A quote from a commuter to his friends when they moved aside to let me through, dragging my gigantic duffel bag, at Kembangan MRT yesterday... Actually I was standing cos I gave up my seat at Clementi (which was not bad... usually I have to give up my seat by Lakeside).... Admittedly, mostly through moral grounds, but also partially in case some avid STOMPer photographed me...

The last week didn't go too badly.... Even though I was the Section Commander during the Section Live Fire I managed not to get shot, and my section mates really performed well =) It's a sort of thrill running ahead of them, or back towards them while they're firing real rounds parallel to my direction of running... But its quite safe lar...

Bryan was the Sect. Commd for the Quick Attack mission, which was just as well, cos my own Section 3 is notoriously bad at quick attack haha... Anyway it went fine too although the M203 gives a nasty recoil when fired...

Still, its also a week that

a) has been very physically exhausting... I don't know why this particular week I felt so tired, maybe cos we never really recovered from sleeping at 2 am after Section Live Fire. Still, managed through pull through SOC!!! with a nice nice nice timing of 8.28 (which Chee Keen and Yen Chin termed "sick" haha), and nearly paid for it by throwing up my breakfast... As well as the 9 km run, which I nearly died also haha... As Bryan said "You [I] better take it easy"

b) I came very close to exploding at someone for one of the few times in 5 years... Happily the situation was defused (not really resolved, but defused nonetheless)

Anyway, have been contemplating whether to opt not to defer... The Joint Term cadets just came back and there's such a feeling of anticipation in SAFTI MI now, getting ready for their commissioning parade... And what with all the videos n all that, which cadet would not look forward to commissioning!! It must be one of the best feelings in the world!!

But so far of all the people i've asked, EVERYONE says I should defer if possible, cos its the most practical and economical way to go.

Thing is,

1. I've never backed out of anything halfway
2. I've never tried to request for a change in system (such as opting to not be defered, if deferment is the norm)

and now these two things are contridicting! ArghHH

So do I want to continue with my course with my friends, and the one's i'll subsequently make in Pro-term, and commission in the most happy occasion I'll ever remember, or would I rather defer, return to fencing, training juniors for First Aid Competitions, and go church camp at the end of the year? Man...

Anyway, curiously enough, with Social Night coming around the corner, a few friends have asked me various things like hmmmm stuff relating to my romantic life, cos I'm one of the maybe 1 third of the platoon not in a non-platonic relationship

At the present moment, I could list countless reasons why I have not, am not prepared, or good enough, so to speak, to get into a relationship. To me, a relationship's sort of like an epee attack... Its not something which you can "rush into", or "try out" cos someone's liable to get hurt, and it'll be all the more worst if the victim's the other party and not myself. I'd probably go into a refractory period which I might not recover from.

Thing is, I also react a lot to people's pain (which is why I think in certain parts of my life I got taken advantage of so many times), or to people's requests for help, whether big things or small, and do everything I can to help, which breeds misunderstandings very easily. What outsiders see as romantic inclinations, if the recepient of my attention is female, is usually a nervous, and NOT hormonal, response to a person's distress. Not to say it that I do it out of compulsion or anything... I'd do it cos the person's a good friend whose assistance I'd be happy to go to, but not in the romantic sense.

Which is kinda stupid also, and is a part of my character which I don't turn on and off very easily, and which I also don't know whether its a good or bad thing.

Oh nuts lar... Anyway that's all I have for now... Next week is Blowing-Up-Things week, as well as more live firing... May everything proceed as smoothly as it always has...