~JcZw

~JcZw~ at 3:24 pm

Sunday, May 27, 2007

"Poor guy... all the way from Boon Lay... OCS cadet"

A quote from a commuter to his friends when they moved aside to let me through, dragging my gigantic duffel bag, at Kembangan MRT yesterday... Actually I was standing cos I gave up my seat at Clementi (which was not bad... usually I have to give up my seat by Lakeside).... Admittedly, mostly through moral grounds, but also partially in case some avid STOMPer photographed me...

The last week didn't go too badly.... Even though I was the Section Commander during the Section Live Fire I managed not to get shot, and my section mates really performed well =) It's a sort of thrill running ahead of them, or back towards them while they're firing real rounds parallel to my direction of running... But its quite safe lar...

Bryan was the Sect. Commd for the Quick Attack mission, which was just as well, cos my own Section 3 is notoriously bad at quick attack haha... Anyway it went fine too although the M203 gives a nasty recoil when fired...

Still, its also a week that

a) has been very physically exhausting... I don't know why this particular week I felt so tired, maybe cos we never really recovered from sleeping at 2 am after Section Live Fire. Still, managed through pull through SOC!!! with a nice nice nice timing of 8.28 (which Chee Keen and Yen Chin termed "sick" haha), and nearly paid for it by throwing up my breakfast... As well as the 9 km run, which I nearly died also haha... As Bryan said "You [I] better take it easy"

b) I came very close to exploding at someone for one of the few times in 5 years... Happily the situation was defused (not really resolved, but defused nonetheless)

Anyway, have been contemplating whether to opt not to defer... The Joint Term cadets just came back and there's such a feeling of anticipation in SAFTI MI now, getting ready for their commissioning parade... And what with all the videos n all that, which cadet would not look forward to commissioning!! It must be one of the best feelings in the world!!

But so far of all the people i've asked, EVERYONE says I should defer if possible, cos its the most practical and economical way to go.

Thing is,

1. I've never backed out of anything halfway
2. I've never tried to request for a change in system (such as opting to not be defered, if deferment is the norm)

and now these two things are contridicting! ArghHH

So do I want to continue with my course with my friends, and the one's i'll subsequently make in Pro-term, and commission in the most happy occasion I'll ever remember, or would I rather defer, return to fencing, training juniors for First Aid Competitions, and go church camp at the end of the year? Man...

Anyway, curiously enough, with Social Night coming around the corner, a few friends have asked me various things like hmmmm stuff relating to my romantic life, cos I'm one of the maybe 1 third of the platoon not in a non-platonic relationship

At the present moment, I could list countless reasons why I have not, am not prepared, or good enough, so to speak, to get into a relationship. To me, a relationship's sort of like an epee attack... Its not something which you can "rush into", or "try out" cos someone's liable to get hurt, and it'll be all the more worst if the victim's the other party and not myself. I'd probably go into a refractory period which I might not recover from.

Thing is, I also react a lot to people's pain (which is why I think in certain parts of my life I got taken advantage of so many times), or to people's requests for help, whether big things or small, and do everything I can to help, which breeds misunderstandings very easily. What outsiders see as romantic inclinations, if the recepient of my attention is female, is usually a nervous, and NOT hormonal, response to a person's distress. Not to say it that I do it out of compulsion or anything... I'd do it cos the person's a good friend whose assistance I'd be happy to go to, but not in the romantic sense.

Which is kinda stupid also, and is a part of my character which I don't turn on and off very easily, and which I also don't know whether its a good or bad thing.

Oh nuts lar... Anyway that's all I have for now... Next week is Blowing-Up-Things week, as well as more live firing... May everything proceed as smoothly as it always has...

~JcZw~ at 2:08 pm

Saturday, May 19, 2007

A week of two miracles for me, as some would already know =)

Maybe it was appropriate that a week back, or was it a couple of weeks back, we sang "All the way my Saviour Leads Me" during church last week

All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside?
Can I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my Guide?
Heav’nly peace, divinest comfort
Here by faith in Him to dwell
For I know, whate’er befall me
Jesus doeth all things well;
For I know, whate’er befall me
Jesus doeth all things well

Just the first verse was very consoling already =) Then this week occured...

It was kind of a stupid accident at first... Having gotten IPPT gold I was playing soccer with my platoon against another platoon, being, as usual, goalkeeper. It was promising to be a challenging game given that my first contact with the ball was punching it away just before I got flattened by a couple of strikers who were at least half a head taller than me heh.

Anyway the ball was curled just past my far post and I was spinning around to try and catch it. Unfortunately my body turned and my ankle didn't, an angle which God never designed it to go. So there was a crack followed by a shooting pain which remained there for the remainder of the game, remainder of the day. Happily Daniel (who was himself a good 'keeper too heh) provided a tube of some cream which numbed the pain so walking was still possible... So I had people back in civillian life already praying for my ankle, cos in my opinion, unless I subjected myself to the mercies of the SAF medical system, a miracle was the only thing which could help the ankle.

Next day, felt a little better, and was able to pull on my boots for platoon movement and drills at Pasir Laba.

I was the support group for breaching of wire obstacles with Jeremy midway through the exercise - I with my LAW as usual, and him with his machine gun. Then while running to our position, he went prone in front of me, forcing me to jump to one side to avoid stamping on him haha... But what with carrying a LAW in one hand, and pulling my SAR against its sling to keep it steady with my other, I had precious little balance which made me strain the ankle in the SAME direction again which was daaaarrrnnn painful and which sentenced me to get light roles for the remainder of the day =(

But through patrol field camp, somehow despite all the running and fast marching, nothing happened. Even the supremely unhygenic conditions did not cause my foot any problems at all, and in fact, now its back to normal! Thank God for taking away what would have been a tremendous inconvenience!

Anyway, I'm vowing to be less crazy in future soccer games...

As for elaboration for patrol field camp, that's too long to say here... Suffice to add, though, that being wet and cold and abraision-ed, not to mention sleep-deprived for two days doesn't put one in a best of moods, but Section 3 managed to handle fatigue quite well, what with everyone keeping each other amused and generally happy throughout ahaha =)

And the second miracle. I hope this is not a dream.

Unless there's a glitch in the Internet system, I got into Medicine =) I will never know what I did or said or wrote which made the interviewers accept me, but yea. Thanks so much to the people who have been encouraging me all the way!

~JcZw~ at 10:24 pm

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Oh yea.... speaking of St. John... Apparently senior T-shirts / jersey lookalikes are out and my number is 9 (9 and 7 are suchh nice numbers haha)... I wanted it to be e^x or root 2 or log 4 or pi or something, but I think they would have had to make a new mould heheh

~JcZw~ at 5:32 pm

Am back for just a few hours before going back to camp. How depressing

Still, the CDS (Company Duty Sergeant.... that, by the way, is just a title... I'm hardly a sergeant, just an officer cadet) duty went pretty well... Ming Zhou and I just spent one day in camp reading and reading and eating a bit and polishing our shoes, waiting for fire, blackout, bomb threat or security breaches, but nothihg of note happened. Bernard came to take over this morning n we duly pushed off, him to home and me to church.

Speaking of which I hope we get uninterrupted sleep tonight... Last night was terrible, what with the room being quite stuffy, heat rash from field camp, and being attacked by every mosquito from Jurong West to Lim Chu Kang. Now I know why we never get bitten by mosquitoes upstairs.... They're all downstairs eating the CDS...

Then again, maybe the mosquitoes were going "Hey guys! This feller has AB + blood! Come n drink before he goes away!". (Maybe with this blood type, its just as well I can't donate blood by law... Not many people will be able to use....)

Anyway got quite depressed while reading "4 Hours in My Lai", (read about the My Lai massacre here) especially the part when the mother of one of the soldiers was saying "I gave them a good boy and they made him a murderer". Its like, now that I'm in the SAF it becomes more pertinent, that battle madness can get to anyone. And we all HAVE seen the destructive power of a little 5.56 mm bullet up close... War is really no laughing matter and nuts to all those people who would rather go to war and die young...

Among other things, talked to a friend over the phone about life now, uni and the future just before lights out... Sometimes I find it really hard to find the correct words to say at the correct time... Even consoling someone by saying "leave it to God" is a difficult when I sometimes panic and don't remember that =( makes me feel like one of those hypocritical variety of people whom I can't say I like... But it was a pleasant convo lar, and one which took my mind off the present issues which I'm concerned about =)

The past week has been the busiest yet and it'll probably only get busier till Platoon Field Camp, but its the week which I've been missing a lot of things badly..

Like my CCAs... Maybe its cos our section training reminded me a lot of competition training in St. John, and how there were times when I felt that my squadmates were the only people I knew whom I could trust (most of them anyway), especially since at that time I was having some class problems, and also hadn't come to the church I'm at now... Then remembering how the first thing we did after O-levels was to rush to a seniors' meeting at KFC at tampines haha.... THAT must have been the height of enthu-ness... And even until a few months ago, even though I don't know many people now, the thrill I get from going back, helping to teach some of the juniors and seeing old friends is still the same as it was in Year 1.

Fencing... Its been a long long time since I picked up my epee (which is missing a tip and the wire's coming out now), though I'm sure I can still remember how to fence, but I miss rushing down to FM worrying how I would squeeze out of the bus at Comfort Driving Centre, queuing up for bouts then chasing and getting chased by my sparring partner up and down the piste until one feels like asphyxiating...

Today went out with some church friends to celebrate DeZhi's birthday. Then I realised that it was the first time I had gone to town since March 25th (When Chee Keen and Yen Chin treated the two of us to lunch before we went to Command School)... I couldn't even remember which building was beside which building anymore haha...

I wonder when I'll fully look to the future... For example, what is the age that a St. John senior officially resigns from SJAB permanently and never comes back??

Oh well... anyway I should go back all my stuff... Nice that my uniforms are all clean again and now covered with mud and camo cream haha...

Regards!

~JcZw~ at 4:41 pm

Friday, May 11, 2007

I realise my posts nowadays are more of my thoughts about army n etc... Centered more on myself than on others... But then again, its a little hard to write about the things around you when you don't know if they're classified, you don't know whether you can write about them, and they occur for 6 out of 7 days of the week...

~JcZw~ at 9:50 pm

Heya I'm back! Thank God nothing went wrong... N of course thanks to Peng Fei, Kanan, Jeremy, Ben Chen, Marvin, Eric, Kenny, Zhengrong and Daniel for keeping me alive haha... Whoo no regrets being in Section 3 at all!

Field Camp went not too badly for myself.... Let me see... A heat rash, multiple abrasions at very inconvenient parts of the body, cuts, aching shoulders (full combat load takes the biscuit), cough and running nose from inhaling smoke-grenade smoke to name a few...

Not to mention a lasting memory of everything that occured during field camp... It was quite a painful experience, but nothing long-lastingly-damaging (I hope),

BUT

there were also some parts which were ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS on which I can laugh and laugh non-stop probably for the rest of my life =D too bad I don't know if I can post them here or I might get court-martialled for breaching some MSD directive... Really got to know my section better as Jeremy said I would... Now we know each other's strengths, weaknesses, idiosyncracies n etc...

Am waiting in anticipation when my platoon commander said "You will be able to tell who is who by the way they move, the way they fight and so on"

Right on the back of Section Field Camp comes Patrol Field Camp next week (which will be abother 48 hours of not sleeping, bathing, and probably not too much time for eating as well), which should prove to be another interesting experience...

Anyway, I was the section LAW (that's light anti-tank weapon) gunner for most of the camp, so shoulder aches abound (I can't remember the exact specs of the thing, but considering its something like 1/5 my weight, its something).. Thank goodness we didn't have to run with it while doing quick attack during flanking... I have an affinity for carrying heavy stuff like signals' sets and LAWs despite being one of the smallest people in the platoon.... Somehow it rides better on my LBV than on the tall people o_0

Curiously, despite everything that has happened so far, nothing worst than St. John experiences have happened yet! Maybe its just cos I'm more mature than my Sec. 1 self, so I can laugh at more things now...

But speaking of laughing...

My SJ juniors used to say I looked angry when I walked around in AHS...

My BMT friends said I looked very blur and stoned heh

Now my OCS friends say I either look sad (normally) or very cold (emotionally, not physically, when doing a task). As in, I don't join in the joking and stuff with everyone else, which is kinda weird, cos in JC I could do stuff like suan and counter-suan very fast heh (oh, I don't know what my JC friends say I look like... Probably either gan jiong or sleepy heheh). I don't know either... Eric has asked me about it before and my truthful reply has been "I've got nothing to say". Maybe I have been a bit too protected...

But then again being protected until one remains unaffected by the continuous barrage of four-letter words is useful =)

Anyway have to go back tomorrow to do duty, serving the very lame extra which I mentioned a few posts back, then coming back out on Sunday morning, before booking in again on Sunday night... Means my long weekend gets cut into half, but then the good thing is that I don't miss youth group, and there's usually nothing much to do during the weekends (another thing which my friends find weird). Still, I can catch up on my Bible reading, journal writing, and third of a year of Readers' Digest...

Shall call it a night now. Cheers all!

Isn't it funny... Officer Cadets can be soldiers in long 4 chionging up the hills, students in admin studying for exams, or gentlemen (or "gentlemen")in long-sleeve shirts walking at Jurong Point..

~JcZw~ at 9:09 pm

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Every week, life accelerates. One can tell by the amount of admin time we get. Or the lack of it =D And for myself, I'm getting as accident prone as I was a year back...

The last week was signals' package at Choa Chu Kang. Quite interesting, it took me 18 plus years to find out that "Wilco" actually stands for "will comply" -_-"' But for pro term, I would like to go to signals as my vocation cos it has the stuff which I'm most adapt for. Thank God once again for giving me a good memory. Using a combination of remembering-which-part-of-the-page-the-word-appeared and mnemonics, I could remember all the appointment titles after a few glances phew. Man I miss Bio, the ETC, ATP, DNA and all that stuff =Pp (or not =D)

Anyway... Section Field Camp is next week, so its back to Tekong with all our stuff all the way from Jurong West. 5 days of chiong-ing through various plantations, getting threatened by giant spiders and centipedes and spiders. 5 days of camo cream mixed with sweat, 5 days of guarding our equipment to make sure no instructor steals them.

Oh did I mention the giant spiders? =D

Anyway if I don't update next week you'll know that I lost some piece of equipment or NDed my rifle or something (CHOY!)

But on the other hand, the people in OCS are the most motivated bunch of people I've ever met. Some of them spend every free moment mugging for the next test (I, on the other hand, get as much sleep as possible), sharpening their entrenching tools, doing their maps and etc. Of course, we get a fair share of eating whatever snacks we bring to camp too haha...

But all in all, if Singapore ever goes to war, I'd much rather go and fight with these people than those in BMT (though my Section 2 was pretty good too). And then again, the most ideal scenario is not for Singapore to go to war at all.

Also this week, went for the Local Medicine Scholarship (SAF) talk at Nee Soon Camp, where ChuaH and Nelson are usually at. VERY attractive scholarship, everything paid for and etc. Only problem is that after that you have a 6 year bond to fufill. They showed a very vivid video of all the death and destruction in Indonesia after the tsunami in full gory detail, complete with maggots and all. Very gross, but quite inspiring too. Dunno lei, its not like this week I'll have much time to make decisions.

Anyway meanwhile, as we reach the halfway mark of Service Term, social life has now been for me reduced to occasionally remenicising with Mursjid (who lives one floor below me) about VJ or AHS days, either in camp, or during lunch after book out haha.... But happily, youth group is still every alternate week so that's something to look forward to!

Ok its book in time now gotta go. Regards all!

~JcZw~ at 5:55 pm