~JcZw

~JcZw~ at 11:09 pm

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

"Let me win. If I cannot win, let me be brave in my attempt"
-- The motto of the handicapped Olympics

Sometimes I have the illusion... That somehow, some way, we could actually do well for our fencing competition on the 2nd of July. Despite our lack of experience. Despite no training in June. Despite it being right after mid-years. This is strengthened by the belief that so long as we tried for something, VJ would be able to do well.

After all, Geraldine Novices' Ladies' Epee Champion from CJC had only been fencing for one year when she got her title.

After all, VJ can do well for obscure sports like cricket. Or squash. And we had every confidence in our ability in soccer.

In today's match, VJ and MJ fought for every meter of possession. Such an exciting match too. When the equalizing penalty went in I stamped on ChuaH's foot in excitement. Sorry man. In return he yelled almost directly into my eardrum... So.... we're kinda even... I must admit, penalty shoot-out is the most cruel event in soccer, since it negates all the skills and the practise of the teams. Mostly, it comes down to luck.

As a former 'keeper for St. John, its real hard to even see the ball when the background is lit up. Yup. Well done MJ. Although that didn't mean you all could provoke individual VJ people walking back to the MRT stations.

On the way back to the MRT then, I met Maurice. He said something to the extent of the next competition for sports being fencing. And that we had to do well. We had gotten second in so many things. It is time to aim for gold. And from what Jun Rong and Hong Mun say, our chances are quite good. I can hold my own against the RJ fencers. But CJ? SJI? And worst of all, PRC? Well, we'll see.... thanks dawn for your reassurance though =)

George asked me, can it be done? I told him with a touch of sarcasm, "Yes, we'll definitely get first, provided every parry is infailiable".

Pei En asked me why don't people go down to support fencing matches. Well... would you go down to support a match thats of an obscure, supposedly RECREATIONAL sport which doesn't really have as a high a chance to win as others? Would you make the migration to clementi, where there are no proper stands, perhaps no space to do organized cheers? Would you be willing to stay from 3 pm to 9pm until the elimination is over? I doubt it. I'd be surprised if anyone other than our own members came to support, but man, I would welcome others if they did....

Maybe its kinda selfish to talk about my own cca after such a day that should belong to our soccer team. But if any of them do stumble across this, let it be known that they have provided an inspiration for at least one person, and if VJ should do well in fencing... you know where some of the fire came from.... For they couldn't have been braver in their attempt, as we should be in ours.

Viva la VictoriA!

~JcZw~ at 10:12 pm

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Today I went back to AHS for two main reasons... one, to collect O-level cert, but more importantly, to listen to the debrief of the St. John camp proposal. It strikes me that in the process of arranging meetings etc, the excuse that "I have church" is always viewed with scorn. Today when I couldn't go out for dinner with the rest of seniors one of them made a sarcastic comment about being "so holy". Sadly, I have heard these kind of things so much that I'm already used to it. I have conflicting views on this, for the reasons I shall state below. Hope my info is correct... I'm recollecting what I remember from Knowledge of Order.

The origins of St. John, I heard, can be viewed in "Kingdom of Heaven", this latest show about the Crusades. The Most Venerable Order of the Hospital Of Jerusalem Of the Order Of St. John (a wee bit luo suo) was established then. The Knights of St. John, or more commonly known as the Knights Hospitallier, was set up to aid the main fighting force, the Knights Templar (a completely different association, so to speak), by providing with medical support... probably the first fighting medics in histoy, for a purpose of fighting for Christianity. A bit dubious, this value, of mayhem and slaughter and death, but readers should know it was FOR Christianity that the Knights of St. John was established.

It is from the Hospitalliers that the Maltese Cross (Their base was located in Malta sometime along their history. I recall they spent a lot of time retreating from place to place) was developed, and from there, the Eight-Pointed Cross which is now the universally-known insignia of St. John.

It is from the Hospitalliers that this theme of saving others using one's own skills was established too. It is a value which first aiders still hang on to today.

So why did St. John abandon its Christian origins? Why is it so scornful of its creators? I recall once in Sec. 4 during an NCO meeting one of my members said that she couldn't come for a non-essential event because of church. The senior officer's tactless, needless, useless, and generally unedifying reply was "Don't need go lah! God won't run away one if he's really God." She saw red. I saw red. I think so did the other Christians around. Naturally, she didn't go for that event in the end. I wouldn't have. This severe lack of sensitvity, and one could almost say, contempt, for another's religion is quite unbearable.

An even worst one was when a friend was told that "You're missing St. John for extra activites" Its enough to make you want to resign your commission. I'm pretty sure that we joined church before we'd ever known that St. John existed.

Another thing.... Why are competitions somtimes held on Sundays? My father once brought it up to me once, when I was getting ready for National Competition last year. I was "er, I dunno.... I think St. John has abandoned its Christian roots completely."

Objectively speaking, as a former OC of the division, part of the reason could be this. Many a slack member has used going to church as an excuse for skipping activities. This usually leaves the NCO in a quandary, whether to accept or reject the reason. By accepting this excuse, if its fake it only encourages the reason to be used even more. Thats the problem. And its also the selfishness of these slackers that increase the problem.

Many was the time when I heard a fake excuse that "I have to go to church" during competition training two years back. Yes, sure, go to church by all means, but, you can't prove you did. You don't have a letter or anything, not even from your parents.

And it results in the NCO being yelled at, his authority as a leader undermined. A vicious cycle indeed. Under these circumstances, I usually judge the person based on his/her past performances. Hopefully i got most of them correct. I know for certain some of them are, and some of them are not.

Yeah.... so these are the views on how St. John regards Christianity. In conclusion (like writing GP like that) members should judge carefull how they treat other people's beliefs, not dismiss them as extra things just because they themselves don't have it. Don't mock what you don't understand. Rather, find out about it. Maybe you'll understand just that little much more. Don't accept every reason you hear, but think about it carefully first..

Two things before I wrap up:

First, our PW idea got accepted! *claps*
Second. Theres a boing noise at the start of whiney whiney. Listen to its carefully with an MP3 player.... it can't be heard very well on a comp or radio.

G'night!

~JcZw~ at 3:14 pm

Monday, May 16, 2005

I don't even know what i'm doing here when a) its so late and b) theres bio spa on wednesday. Just spent the evening filing 1/2 year's of JC work.... Kinda fufilling. Although actually also shouldn't have let them pile up.

Today was 2.4 run. Oh boy, I totally love running, except during the actual running process when my lungs feel like they're gonna pop. A common trait shared by me n my 2 siblings - we all like to run. Or at least, my brother and I do. My sister just does it to keep fit I think... Yeah. So many a time we ran up and down the hill that seperates Kembangan and Bedok.

Happily enough the start was fast, I kept a good momentum. The weather was nice and cool, traction was difficult but still manageable. Sort of on-the-edge thingy. Unfortunately it turned out to be highly beneficial.

Depending on a runner's style, his speed varies at various parts of the run. Roger Bannister of the 4 minute mile ran slowly and paced his opponents, relying on a "devastating burst of speed", quoted from Readers' Digest, to vanquish his opponents. His arch-rival, John Landy, however, ran with a constant economical stride that ran his opponents to earth so to speak. I personally use Landy's style. Starting fast and staying fast. For that you need Good Momentum =)

So my momentum was at its best and was perfect at the start of the third round. Just before the bend I gave a little extra spurt for there were people clawing at my heels and since I slowed down in the bends I wanted a bit of breathing space. At the same moment the feller tailgating me made an-overambitious move. Given the tight space, my lack of reareward vision, and his fatigue that rendered him unable to execute delicate manouevers (however you spell it), it did not come off.

But it did have some effect.

Just as I fully extended my leg, he kicked the back of my leg when it was at maximum stress, knocking the leg out from under me. I suddenly found myself left on a limb as the english might say, up proverbial salt creek without the proverbial paddle. Or rather, up, with too high a center of gravity, moving in a velocity which I felt could make me achieve orbit if the angulation was about.

Enough beating around the bush. I fell forward, flung my leg out to stop me from falling, but the above mentioned lack of traction gave the track a texture similar to that of AHS' concourse on a wet day running across wih well-worn drill boots. The result was that i rocketed into a lateral fall. Happily I retained the mental faculties to twist to the left to land on the field rather than on the track in the way of the other speeding runners, then it would have been finis.

Bruised my elbow, dirtied my pants and shirt. The field was soft, but it was the mud that was making it soft. The worst injury was a abrasion under my sock. For the rest of the run it would scrape against the inside of the sock causing severe discomfort. And last, for the human body to exert, stop, then re-exert causes nausea. No joke. I could already imagine Gerry saying "why does this always happen to you". Heh. This time it was so totally not my fault man.

I finished 16th. Mursjid managed to finish in front of me for once. Seems that its only in the actual exams when I can't seem to perform. Bah. My momentum was totally shot down, and the exertion of running continually fast in the first 3 laps already took their toll. He passed me with 1 round to go and finished i think 30 sec in front of me.

Yeah.... irritating... well, as Montoya said, "S*** happens" (Refer to Brazilian Grand Prix, Interlagos, 2002... i think.... well, the last year Mika Hakkinen raced for Mclaren anyway).

Oh, on a happier note, I did not bad for Bio review.... scary.... I fail my favourite science and then get the best score in a subject I have no grounding on.....

Anyway its like nowadays is so busy, n a lot of pressure.... Had a talk with Mrs Chan (not the principle.... the physics teacher) regarding fencing.... Realised how fragile and unestablished fencing is...

The PE department and the cca people in general view us as recreational since we don't take part in competitions. How do we let them know that we are competiting on a field thats probably more difficult than their vaunted and beloved soccer. I mean, you have to start SOMEWHERE! We already being strangled for the lack of training and the school won't give us any money. Are we that much poorer than RJ? Or don't look at RJ. In CJ the school virtually pays for all their equipment. Can you see VJ doing that?

And don't say its not possible to win. Geraldine from CJ, Novices Champion for Ladies' Epee in 2005 only had fenced for one year. The same amount of time we'll be fencing when novices comes next year.

Haiyarr... Even NPCC in AHS get more support than us.

I can tell you.... when competition comes. It will be right after mid years. No one but our own members will be willing to come down to support. No one will care whether we win or lose. No one would care whether we improve or not. We won't be able to advertise for it, like cross country, or, in the event we win anything, able to show it like cricket. No one will be particularly happy or anything. It'll just go on.... Until in four years time, when the IPs break onto the fencing field.

Thats the reason why I'm sian nowadays... theres just so much to think about. Not only to improve your dueling, but also keeping up with work. Not to forget St. John is still ongoing as an external cca.... Now that AH mid years are over then it'll start up again.

Hope I have the endurance to go on. A person's nerves can only go so far, take so much stress and battering until they snap like a piano string tweaked by an over enthusiastic tuner.

I will do it cos it has to be done. Nothing more.

~JcZw~ at 11:13 pm

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Friday 13th. Not that I believe very much in it. Friday was a pretty memorable day. But of certain aspects of it I'd rather forget it. Which is hard to do when you're gifted with a memory that can remember sequences with unnerring clarity (probably the reason why I got the ambulance calling job in St. John).

Friday was chem SPA. Which I was pretty confident about. Well, since every titration I'd done from sec. 4 until now never took more than 3 readings. I'd almost never gotten scolded by a teacher in terms of accuracy or technique. I'd never got a totally anomalous reading that was far apart from my friends.

Never is a big word.

It started pretty well actually. We'd just emerged from V48 after I'd discovered thanks to Mr Lim that I was one of hundred over students to get dunno what question correct or something. Ok. Thats good, I was pretty happy. But how happy can you be over a mere intra-school thingy?

SPA. Started with the weighing of iron (II) sulphate. Which I did ok. *censored*g. Then the dissolving of the thing. Yeah, *censored* cm^3 of *censored*. Called mr lim and poured the stuff into the standard flask. Topped it up with water. Ok. Washed burette, pipette, pipetteed the solution, added acid and did the first titration.

Within 3 seconds of holding the clip open the solution was a dark purple. I stopped and stared. I didn't move for a full 10 sec or maybe more. A titration reading of *censored*? Then I redid it.

*censored*. I did it again

*censored*

*censored*

*censored* <--This was the most accurate one. But who was to know? I didn't even know what end point to expect. I was looking for yellow or orange. But it was just so ridiculous! When the reading was fluctuating so much!

*censored*

*censored*

7 Titrations. It was totally stupid. I took the *censored* one. The answer was *censored*. I had to complete the final 2 titrations in a vain hope to get a consistent reading after Mr Lim had said "15 minutes left". And the longer I took, the more time I wasted. The more I panicked. The more my technique fouled up. Forgot to remove funnel. Pipetted the wrong solution. Had to rewash everything. Knocked over the bottle of *censored* but managed to sweep everything up before anything was messed up. In short, what had started as a perfect titration ended as a total foul up.

After we were released I don't think I'd ever been so angry and irritated. The only time which came close was when a certain St. John member inadverdantly taunted me by telling me a member of her competition team had won two championships while my own vaunted team had only won once.

It had occured to me that it could be due to the solution being homogenous. So I'd shook it! As the titrations continued the readings should have become more consistent! But they didn't! It was incredible, as if such macabre miracle that had undone every skill i'd learnt for the last 3 years was unfolding before my eyes.

A miracle that would leave me with a mark probably no higher than L4 and a marked-ly lower chance of getting into medicine since I don't even know what went wrong.

Not many people would have asked me why I was upset. As in, everyone had beautiful readings of around *censored*. Everyone was letting out happy cheers as their results tallied with those of their friends. When others from the first batch asked "how was it" they could give jubilant reports. But as far as I was concerned I looked to be the only person in the level who had fouled up my SPA. Even the greatest deviation in the class besides me did not miss by more than 2 cm^3.

At least a few of them cared. A few of them tried to cheer me up. Others just maintained an awkward but considerate silence. I could tell that, but far worst was the reality of what had just passed.

Of gripping a burette clip with weary hands that had suddenly gone cold.
Of a throbbing in the head as one reading after another displayed the height of illogical results.
Of glaring at the solution with tired eyes willing it to change to orange. But always it changed too soon or too late.

Of the tutor looking at me strangely. With the full knowledge of the problem that was tearing apart the experiment of this chem-rep-who-did-not-seem-to-be-able-to-get-anything-right.
____________________________________________________________________
I appreciate the efforts of Alon, XunAi, Dawn, Enjie, Desmond, Mr Lim and whoever else tried to cheer me up. Its hard to express how much. Mainly because my emotional state did not change very much. But it was more because they cared. And they had made the effort. They'd spent time talking to me when they could have been talking to friends about much happier things.

"Don't think about me. Just take care of yourself first."
"Cheer up chan"
"If you want to find me I'll be in V XX"
"You feeling better now?"
"Work hard for the next few spa... You can make it!"

It was typical of the things only the best friends would say. It was the kind of thing Wei Lun would have said, just like after the various traumatic chinese exams. Matter of fact, he did say that subsequently when he asked about it just now.

The only thing that SPA could prove was that I had good, invaluable friends.
_____________________________________________________________________
13th Friday happened also to be my father's birthday. He came home from Europe with my sister yesterday yup. So yeah, its great to have them back, as well as the sweets they brought with them yeah... haha

13th friday happened to be guitar concert, which I didn't attend cos of home group and my father's bday. I doubt I was in the mood to also.

Today. PW meeting. ChuaH's birthday (Happy birthday Jon ChuaH! Its great knowing another Jonathan. I'll never forget the first time we talked we managed to generate a scandal between *beep* and *beep* hehe)

Yeah. thats all that transipred these few days. Sorry for the lengthy post. But I don't really feel like working when in this mood.

Thanks everyone for everything they did for me. Hope I can repay the favour someday!

~JcZw~ at 6:55 pm

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Its been a totally busy week. In fact, I am using the school's computer lab to do this post again... Looks like thursday will officially be publish new post day.

The new specs are a massive improvement man! Can't explain how much its a relief to get my vision back. And with it most of my emotional and physical faculties.

On Sunday my PW group came to my house for discussion. Tossed a few ideas around before settling on our hotel related one. Of course, it got rejected. Well, don't say we didn't try.

Today I put forward my second idea. About announcements in bus interchanges. It got rejected as well.... I don't know... It seems nothing can satisfy the stringent criteria of the school..... or mayb just our ST. At this rate we're never going to get a feasible project for the rest of the year. Seems that other groups spend a lot of time tossing ideas around, lively and everything. On the other hand our group sits, stones, sleeps, and suddenly like a miracle someone would snap out of the stupor and say something to the extent of "Eureka!" before spouting out an idea.

Its then countered by:
Not feasible
Too expensive
Too technological
You get the idea.

In a short while the idea owould get thoroughly de-Eureka-ed.

NAPFA was on monday. Pretty ok, although I was let down pretty much by my shoes which are literally falling apart at the seams. Skidded during shuttle run, tripped during SB jump. Anyway i retook those categories later on. The PE teachers were unusually merciful.... Heh.. anyway they owe us first aiders for our services on Sports Day.... =Pp.... Finaly score 2As, 1B, 2Cs. Enough for a gold I think. Next week will be 2.4 run, supposedly my favourite and best category. Hope my shoes can hold up to the remaining stress of the well.... Othewise, death.

Fencing is pretty ok... a good first cca for the new committee... Everyone is improving as fast as they can probably. The girls are quite good actually considering, 'cept they are a bit rigid. The IPs had various activities that day, so not much time to see them in action. All I know at the moment is that Jonathan and Shakura are pretty good. Jomaine is supposed to be good too, cos she trained as a foilist before, like Michelle. Pity Michelle isn't around. Pity Jomaine is now kind injured. We could really use their help now.

Competition in less than 2 months. So many things to do:

Website
Shirt
Noticeboard
Communication network

And a lot more. Sighz. Hope we can manage. The committee is able though. We should =)

Tuesday foil was highly amusing. It was quite empty considering everyone was having exams. Fenced with Nick and Wei Yang. The bout with Wei Yang lasted a full 25 minutes, almost 3 times the usual time of a standard duel. Moreover he is no mean opponent, being left handed as well as a 4-year experienced fencer. In the end we were chased off the piste by other impatient fencers with the score 14-11 in his favour. Guess he won... haha...

Yesterday.... Looks like I can hold my own against any other member of the club.... at the moment. Beat Maurice 15-13 I think, and Victoria 15-4. Victoria's not a bad fencer for her level of experience actually.... just that she doesn't straighten her hand so fast. Against Victor from SJI it was a narrow 14-something victory. Against the ITE guys of course, I died.

But no injuries for 3 days of fencing!!! Hope it can last until today. I have epee lesson later. Hope I'm not pushing it too far though... cos of fencing I'd have to stay up way late to do my tuitorials. But how else is there to improve. Yesterday was the limit, Bio adn GP piled up together. Bah.

I think fatigue got too tight a hold today.... While chasing the class to Chem tuitorial. We were already 12 minutes late. I don't think we'd been later in recent memory. Usually we'd make it maximum 7 minutes late, and that would be after forcing our way through a crowd. But THIS time we took a full minute to negotiate 4 flights of stairs that were void of any other students. I was watching the time draining from my watch. Talking to them didn't seem to work at all.

Come on, we had APOLOGIZED to Ms Then before. We said we'll be on time next time. We weren't. We aren't. we probably never will be. All we can do in minimize the damage. Maybe I overreacted, maybe I'm still under the traumatic shadow of St. John

But after the class stopped on the top floor to call out to a senior. It was just a few seconds. Insignificant time really. But it was the final straw and I really saw red. Thats when I raised my voice and yelled over the commotion informing them exactly of the time we were late for. I didn't lose my temper mind, but I was really severely irritated already.

I mean, its normal that we are late. Any person who knows me knows that I do not like to scold others, nor to nag at people. In fact I haven't really done so for the past 5 months. But sometimes theres a limit. Like when your promise is on the line. Whatever

I really hate being Chem rep on thursday anyway.

Anyway thanks dory for talking and risking Ms Tan's wrath during maths.

Yup. Thats it for now i think....

~JcZw~ at 3:08 pm

Saturday, May 07, 2005

I had a lot of time to do reflection just now.... Cos i was making my way to orchard road to retrieve a new pair of spectacles, namely, the first pair i've had since sec. 1 or something.... Whoo! Improved vision is such an improvement! Now I can actually differentiate a twenty cent coin from a fifty cent one, n my peripheral vision's back to normal! Haha....

Yesterday went to OCS with some ppl in my class.... Gerry, Stella, Charmaine, Christl, Desmond n En Jie. Gives mixed feelings about NS yeah... Sometimes when I'm tired n think about NS I'm thoroughly scared of it. Sometimes when I'm energetic I think that it could actually be fun! Haha... well, we'll soon see... But there's been a lot of improvement to the army? Even in the camp the soldiers were using the SAR 21 as much as the AR15, or, as the latter is more commonly known, the M16. Got to fire the paint gun which resembles the CAR15 while we were there..... Hmm.... after that 1 year of air rifle, aiming at a target which looked only 2 mm across, hitting the larger target with this much lighter rifle was a breeze...

Got my pants seriously dirty though.... Waha.... Oh yeah, n our chaperones were quite hilarious.... direct opposite characters of one another, if I may say so.... heh...

The thing that got me thinking today was actually a conversation I'd had with George yesterday online. He was asking something to the effect of our chances in the Under-17s this year. The chinese say (translated literally) goes: know yourself known enemy, hundred battle hundred win. Unfortunately, just knowing our opponents at the moment ain't enough. In fact, I think I translated too literally, so we'll leave it at that.

Who are going to be our opponents then? Well, two from the much-feared ITE Balestier at least. Sing Ni, the girl-with-the-extremely-long-arm (whom I eat narrowly 15-14), and another guy whom I haven't seen before. Coach says he's not very good, but Su San, from her long years of experience, says that usually ITE people's skills increase at an exponential rate while we progress at a geometrical one.... Mainly because, they have the time as well as the resources.... I mean, they actually have blades bought by their school for them to practise with! How lucky can they get?

Next most dangerous would probably be the secondary schools, namely Pasir Ris Crescent and SJI. Mere secondary schools to some people, but for me, this means opponents that have fenced for 4 years, not 4 months like us. Opponents that are skilled enough that the longer reach of our people wouldn't be a problem when we tangle. Every inch as enthuisiastic with us, they will be no pushovers.

Last on the list would be the other fencing JCs. I'd say the greatest threat in this sector would come from CJC, for they obtain a good supply of experienced fencers from SJI (the 2 are affiliated, apparently). The lowest threat profile, curiously enough, probably comes from RJ, who only specialize in sabre and not anything else.

In short, the only weapon VJ can wield would be enthusiasm for the competition. This we do not lack at the moment. Mr Tan's comment about recreational CCAs put paid to that alright. Great is the potential of the team, but we need the time to train, which is something we do not have. We need our blades quickly, a place to train in school, maybe an electrical system for school practises (otherwise we'd be forced to stick to the old manual scoring). But we don't have these things. Not yet anyway.

Our chances at the moment are slim yes, but that doesn't mean its impossible.

And don't forget. What we do now will pave the way for the future. In other words, the VIPs. By the time they reach J2 they will be good, and then the sparks will start to fly. Maybe.

Just for me, foil doesn't look bright at all, and my own chances for winning the competition, or even getting a bronze is the same chance a snowflake has of surviving mid-summer in the Sahara (where have I heard that from?). Dalen from ACJC and Wei Yang from RJC are enough to kill me off already. Foil, unlike epee, requires technique and much much more speed. Which must be slowly trained up. A good foilist, apparently, takes 4 years to breed. By that time comes, I'd be of no use to VJ already. *boom

The thing about fencing that sets it apart from other competitions then, is that you fence against much more experienced people than yourself, not like hockey, or swimming, or soccer when you play against people with roughly the same experience as yourself.

But we'll see.... One day fencing will become more established, then we'll see.... Our own fencers are already getting better:

Maurice, Daniel, Randall, Liang Sheng, Elgin, Vanna, Clarissa, Mark, Charlene, Jomaine, Jonathan Boon, Dhevy, Zhi Hui, Eileen Soon, Shakura, George, Victoria, Eileen Yap, Aaron

and me =)

and of course, all our seniors (without them even starting the club things would not have happened at alL!)

Our fencing club rulez.... Like... really...

~JcZw~ at 5:31 pm

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Where am I now? Basically I'm sitting in the corner of the computer lab mentally bemoaning the disasterous results of my physics test. Das is nicht gut... es ist sehr schleckt (however yous pell it... its been an age since I last spoke German). Well.... not too bad I suppose... just that I was expecting to do better...

Ah.... PW groups just got released..... JiaMin, XunAi, TinYau, HuiPing and me.... hope it works out.... we shall aim to get band 1.... hehz.... but like gotta meet super fast to think of GPP already.

Life is getting increasingly interesting. They say it never rains but pours. Thats right enough for me. My temporary specs are thoroughly horrendous until my new ones come. In fact the small frame is already being bent out of shape being squeezed onto my coconut shaped head. Now I go through life with a perpetual minor headache.... and thats not very funny.... it brings along fatigue and irritation and a thorough lack of enthusiansm for interacting with people. Tomorrow theres Bio lecture review, and this coupled with a lack of sleep isn't going to be good. Sighzzz...>

I got a feasible idea for PW. Adapting from bears and chipmunks that hibernate during the winter, I think a system should be implemented whereby we have a day, or even a season where we justt get to eat and sleep and have fun WITHOUT having to worry about school and all that blahblahblah. You know what I mean.

Just came to realise how important sight is. Can't see without being dizzy when i put on my specs, can't see at all when I DON'T wear them.

To cap it all I twisted my ankle while fencing with weiyang on tuesday, rendering me unable to continue fencing for the rest of the wekk... reckon I should recuperate for NAPFA next week. He had been attacking me, I parried and riposted and basically my body was moving both forward and backward at the same time. End result: I lunged onto a right foot bent to one side instead of full on my sole. Best.

So after that when I dueled with Joseph he scored like 10 points in 30 seconds or something. In the end lost 15-2. I must say thats the closest i've come to losing my shoes.... The bout was over so fast. Even epee against the ITE guys, even though I got similar scores, I would still be able to hold on for at least half the duration of the bout, i.e. 4.5 min out of 9 min. Joseph polished me off inside 1 min lor. Best.

Thankfully it was not a fully fledged sprain, otherwise it would have taken a good month to heal completely. Put on a bandage since then.... it supports the ankle pretty well and i can walk without too much of an incapability.... thats gd... =)

Hope things start to improve.... I don't feel very happy right now.... its hard to cheer other people up when you yourself are not very happy. I think its just due to not being about to have the basic capability of looking at something without your vision swimming....its real irritating.... guess its no excuse to act like I am now.... we'll see....

Shall stop now.... I think all the aircon shut down... its getting kinda hot.... n i'm behaving quite anti-socially... hehz..... should stop before my eyes drop out..... bye

~JcZw~ at 2:21 pm

Monday, May 02, 2005

Well... first time in a long while I've had the time i've been able to blog twice in 3 days.... The weekend has been pretty slack, although its not supposed to be.... You could call it "enforced inactivity due to a disintegration of a certain integral part of me". And NO, I am not love-sick, NO i'm not heartbroken.

I'm referring to my spectacles. My beautiful small lensed specs that served me faithfully since... erm.... pri 6? sec. 1? Can't remember... But it was a long time. The most interesting thing was that I wasn't even straining the frame or anything when they broke. The shaft that leads to the ear-piece just snapped suddenly for no rhyme or reason.

So I spent saturday with slightly blurred vision with a pair of spectacles held together by masking tape, and a few other varieties of sticky tapes.... Then in the evening, tired of not doing anything, decided to go the field next to kembangan MRT with my brother n kick our football around. Pretty okay actually... Practised lateral dives, one-on-one... and I sweated my frame off again. Wet masking tape doesn't stick. Duh. And at the end of the day still didn't know how to do a proper high goal kick... Looks like I'll be letting my defenders do the goal kicking in the near future.

In the evening I was studying respiration and talking to OSSIS people online, specs held together by a new roll of masking tape. My brother nearly killed himself on my epee which I'd accidentally left on the day-bed. He took a running leap at the bed, noticed the sword lying on it in mid-air, and promptly nearly put his head through the air-conditioning unit as a result of evaisive action. Oooops.

Sunday church was quite horrendous.... I mean, my specs were making me dizzy... didn't angle the thing properly, not the service. Is it better to be dizzy or blind anyway. I decided to take my specs off and sing the songs through memory.Sighzzz....

So after church my father brought me to parkway to look for specs... Found a lens for children which was the only one that could fit my lenses. It was either fit my head or fit my lenses. Too bad. So for one hour while the specs were being re-fitted I was walking around squinting at everything and everyone. As my sister said, the perfect circumstances to get beaten up for staring. Met Jonathan Chan (the other st. john one) in MPH. I didn't recognize him cos I couldn't see. And he didn't recognize me because of I-don't-know-what. But anyway decided the posture looked like his, the height looked like his, so i called his HP n that person picked up. So we swapped greetings before pushing off again.

Went to eat noodles at the food court. My sister had to navigate me through the crowd and buy the food..... Man, without my specs I'm totally blind. Then peered at my noodles for 30 min while finishing them.

Went to collect the new specs. Now my vision's very weird. Because of the small size theres a sphere of clarity in the center of my vision and a periphery of blurness at the edge. Most disconcerting. Bah.

Yupz.... so ended the specs saga. Or maybe not. Today still need to go n make a new pair, from the professional optician. 3pm... N still got PI to do... Guess I'll push off now.... byeee

~JcZw~ at 12:12 pm