~JcZw

Am back for just a few hours before going back to camp. How depressing

Still, the CDS (Company Duty Sergeant.... that, by the way, is just a title... I'm hardly a sergeant, just an officer cadet) duty went pretty well... Ming Zhou and I just spent one day in camp reading and reading and eating a bit and polishing our shoes, waiting for fire, blackout, bomb threat or security breaches, but nothihg of note happened. Bernard came to take over this morning n we duly pushed off, him to home and me to church.

Speaking of which I hope we get uninterrupted sleep tonight... Last night was terrible, what with the room being quite stuffy, heat rash from field camp, and being attacked by every mosquito from Jurong West to Lim Chu Kang. Now I know why we never get bitten by mosquitoes upstairs.... They're all downstairs eating the CDS...

Then again, maybe the mosquitoes were going "Hey guys! This feller has AB + blood! Come n drink before he goes away!". (Maybe with this blood type, its just as well I can't donate blood by law... Not many people will be able to use....)

Anyway got quite depressed while reading "4 Hours in My Lai", (read about the My Lai massacre here) especially the part when the mother of one of the soldiers was saying "I gave them a good boy and they made him a murderer". Its like, now that I'm in the SAF it becomes more pertinent, that battle madness can get to anyone. And we all HAVE seen the destructive power of a little 5.56 mm bullet up close... War is really no laughing matter and nuts to all those people who would rather go to war and die young...

Among other things, talked to a friend over the phone about life now, uni and the future just before lights out... Sometimes I find it really hard to find the correct words to say at the correct time... Even consoling someone by saying "leave it to God" is a difficult when I sometimes panic and don't remember that =( makes me feel like one of those hypocritical variety of people whom I can't say I like... But it was a pleasant convo lar, and one which took my mind off the present issues which I'm concerned about =)

The past week has been the busiest yet and it'll probably only get busier till Platoon Field Camp, but its the week which I've been missing a lot of things badly..

Like my CCAs... Maybe its cos our section training reminded me a lot of competition training in St. John, and how there were times when I felt that my squadmates were the only people I knew whom I could trust (most of them anyway), especially since at that time I was having some class problems, and also hadn't come to the church I'm at now... Then remembering how the first thing we did after O-levels was to rush to a seniors' meeting at KFC at tampines haha.... THAT must have been the height of enthu-ness... And even until a few months ago, even though I don't know many people now, the thrill I get from going back, helping to teach some of the juniors and seeing old friends is still the same as it was in Year 1.

Fencing... Its been a long long time since I picked up my epee (which is missing a tip and the wire's coming out now), though I'm sure I can still remember how to fence, but I miss rushing down to FM worrying how I would squeeze out of the bus at Comfort Driving Centre, queuing up for bouts then chasing and getting chased by my sparring partner up and down the piste until one feels like asphyxiating...

Today went out with some church friends to celebrate DeZhi's birthday. Then I realised that it was the first time I had gone to town since March 25th (When Chee Keen and Yen Chin treated the two of us to lunch before we went to Command School)... I couldn't even remember which building was beside which building anymore haha...

I wonder when I'll fully look to the future... For example, what is the age that a St. John senior officially resigns from SJAB permanently and never comes back??

Oh well... anyway I should go back all my stuff... Nice that my uniforms are all clean again and now covered with mud and camo cream haha...

Regards!