~JcZw

31st of August.

Effectively my last day as a "qualified St. John first aider".. how many times we've been yelled at during training for forgetting to say those crucial words... Well, after A-level or something then it will be time to start considering whether to get re-certified.... I heard that re-certification just before NS means you have a high chance of going to the medical side, but whatever... Heard that CPR has changed too.... There was an article in some life support magazine that my mother showed me... But I can't remember how it went... heheh...

Anyway GP was thoroughly fouled up, and no, as yet I don't know what the author referred to God as a "she"... I just wrote that he doesn't believe in God... was considering that he was feminist, but like, he's a guy, and secondly, there was no other overt signs of him being anti-male. As for compos... well, I think I took a little suicide run and did something on machines and somehhow managed to divert my way to Stalin's Russia... Oh well, we'll see how it turns out... For all I know, the inverse rule might apply again...

Just occured to me that the inverse rule may not be so much as my own cynicism, but that God may simply want to let me succeed under circumstances in which I would owe to him, rather than if I felt it was under my own power... Let's say, I somehow won Novices, I might have felt that it was through my hard work rather than God helping me, so maybe it's all the better that it was only during A-division, a competition which I didn't have as much time to train for, but was sort of more significant to the school, that I managed to do well... And this fell in line with my latent desire to, for this period, concentrate on establishing the fencing team, rather than to attempt to carve my way to the national team (the pursuit of which I will have to leave until after A-levels).

Especially since during the competition when I was really tired and bashed about, it was like God telling me that so long as I did my best, he would give me strength to fight on... Well, not in the way that I expected, but it was still within the limit of legality. Yes, the idea that I sacrificed the chance of being an OGL to train for a competition which I was unceremoniously flung (quite literally) out of does rankle from time to time, but I guess I will come to terms with it.

Another example may be that of Chinese... Although I can't say that I had a very good attitude to my dismal grade (dunno whether breaking down and all that should be considered natural, and I always would like to stay composed even in stress-upon-stress situatios, but well, what's done is done) initially, and especially having to put up with comments that I should have done better etcetc (the legacy of AHS lives on), but God sent a Chinese teacher with whom I could build up a friendly relationship, and could teach me endurance.... And at the end of the day, the memories of missed outings, or (on a more primitive level heheh) missed breaks, are really insignificant compared to a reward of finally getting a grade which I had been pursuing since Sec. 3.

Again, it seems to be a way of God telling me that it's part of his plan for me, and that the greater triumph shouldn't be succeeding when I expect to do well, but to succeed when my back is against the wall, but when I am so much more aware that he's helping me. Oh yes, did I mention that with God's grace, even when I was down and out and refusing to study on that fateful thursday, with my Chem CT1 beckoning, I still managed to scrape a D, using sheer visual memory (again another gift heh) from previous days.

Well, what am still doing awake... Going Esplanading later today I think... Cheerio

And to all, study hard for prelims

And oh... did you notice that "fly" and "cry" has no vowels? =D