Monday, February 20, 2006

Feeling slightly better now.... Here's the account of how things turned around =)

I can't remember feeling more emotionally torn up than yesterday night... Committed the (to me) unforgivable sin of snapping at someone due to shot nerves....

Had a talk with two people on MSN n went to sleep in an emotional turmoil feeling like a hypocrite... Tossed and turned and totally couldn't sleep... When the irritating jingle of my phone went off at 6.30, though, I was wide awake, mind alert at once. I even reached downstairs 15 min earlier than usual... My mood in the car was anything but happy.. Contemplating having to face CYL was definitely not my idea of starting a new week well...

When I reached school I was pretty much stoned through CT walkabout and the first 2 lessons.... It was during PE that things started to happen... Running is definitely a stress reliever... Especially when the teacher called out that we had a time limit... I bet she was joking... in fact I think she was, but it was a good excuse to charge the last lap and polish off all the pent-up energy... Mursjid, of course, took off after me... When we finished both of us felt like dying, but emotionally I was already feeling happier.... Frisbee was fun, as usual, just that the sun was "too darn hot" and the temperature "went way up", but well, conditions were worst in St. John... Actually, I'd rather do PE next week than my CTs... who wouldn't!!

Things generally progressed well from there... from talking with friends to having a very lively Physics SPA A discussion with several ex-SAP (that is, metal-button wearing) classmates and Mr Wong..

Assumptions for SPA:
Skill A: Life is selectively ideal
Skill B: Life is normal
Skill C and D: Life is frankly quite retarded (all the funny errors)

Aha! LT5 decided to forgo its reputation of being a refrigerator and turn into a 250-person sauna. LT4 must have been teaching it bad habits.. What's worst than getting trapped in LT1 without aircon is to get trapped in its ventilation-less underground counterpart. My carbonyl group notes now look like they was put through a washing machine.

Twice.

Its incredible that we managed to survive 1 hour and 10 min in that... thing... By the time we staggered out feeling not unlike a bunch of boiled lobsters, the words in my head circled around "spontaneous combustion (again)", "denaturation", "anaerobic respiration" and whatnot.

Watched music fest dance auditions with a quartet of classmates before pushing off home...

But out from all the normal school life (exception being LT5's choice to go on a rampage and attempt to suffocate its students) was a sudden sense of appreciation for simpler things again.

To have the gift of mobility, so that I can run as slowly (or as fast, depending) as I can... to be able to play frisbee, or to be able to walk like a robot in need of oiling...

To have the gift of memory, so that I could catch on to stuff like Bio easily, and that terms like oxaloacetate can be digested as easily as a molecule of glucose bisphosphate (Its bis- ! Its says so in the notes) and to remember random things that photograph themselves on my memory (a good thing to have, if I'm in the right mood... heh) For example, I can remember that I first talked to ChuaH while leaning against the rails at the side of the grandstand during the first house meeting. The thing I said was "Uh, oh, hello" in response to Phoon's "Jonathan, meet Jonathan"....

To have the gift of friends, who can cheer me up without fail by the end of the school day, no matter how bad I'm feeling at the start of it! Or those that talk to me online if they can somehow sense (I still can't figure out this intuition thing... I'm definitely an IS) that I'm not feeling too good.. The people who make life worth living and school worth going to when the going ain't so good =)

among many others

I guess what I needed all along was to step back and consider the situation again, just like a miner steps back to see whether he has to cut open a new seam in the rock, instead of just carving into the same seam for coal which may not be there.

Maybe next time, when I step back into FM, I'll be able to admire the beauty of a full lunge, or a spectacular flick, instead of just burning up because someone else is not holding her end up.

I'll be waiting for then.... Til then, au revoir