~JcZw

11:26 pm finds me at my computer, balancing a cold pack on my shoulder while typing and watching the video of my bout with the PRC chappie today. The cold pack, incidentally, was due to a giant bump given to me by the PRC feller I first fenced in round robin today... Apparently I need a bigger bib for my mask or wear a bigger plastron, cos he smacked me in the exact spot where there was a gap in the layers.

U20 was a whole different experience.. On saturday I was called upon to preside over one of the round robins (which was a cause of slight trepidation)... which contained Eldon and Zixian, among the fencers... There was this really tall feller, can't remember which school... and he's the kind where he presents himself for weapons test standing up, not kneeling down... nuts, I had to stand on tiptoe to reach the tip of his epee.... How humiliating... haha..

And Maurice was in the next pool over yelling "Wah! Jonathan presiding arh!" and etcetc of derisive comments... like, thanks so much man...

Foil... sighz...

I don't have to elaborate on today except for two things...

One, the new timing is killing me... I'm so not used to it, but its no excuse... we'll have to get used to it ultimately...

Second, I miss church. I haven't gone to church for... 3 weeks? A month? Its quite draining really... didn't realise that until I had to stay away for so long.. its like being out of touch with someone you know... Lets say I was sick for 3 whole weeks. I would miss my classmates like mad. There'll be a vacum which nothing can fill... And this directly influences my decision whether to stick with epee (who's competitions are on saturday) or foil (sunday).

Why would I choose foil:
My physical size is more adept for it
I've already bought the stuff
I prefer it
I feel more secure with priority than without
Its cool, elegant etcetc]

Why would I choose epee:
I'll have time for church
Most of my friends (though not all) are doing it
Its EASIER and quicker to learn, faster to progress

There... my reasons for both are listed out... But the biggest question about church still weighs heavily on my mind..

Had an MSN / SMS discussion with Dawn last night... She told me it would be best, ultimately to put God before everything, which actually I know perfectly well I should be doing.

I read Candice's blog about 10 minutes back... I agree that God doesn't want us to miss church for anything (well, except maybe during the first 2 weeks of NS). I know that we owe it to him to go to church... not that we're doing him a favour or anything...

I asked my parents. They told me to talk to God and to pray over it.

But really, at the end of the day, I still find it difficult to just turn and say "I'll be sticking to epee". For until this set of competitions, I'd been setting my heart and soul on becoming a foilist in the future. To turn from all those trainings... all that money spent of learning parry-riposte, priority etc. not to mention broken foils, electric jackets and so on.

And for those of you who think you have a ready answer, I am not going to change church, change service, or contemplate in any way to change the christian community I belong to. I'm supposed to be revolving my life around God, not around fencing.

And still there'll be others who will tell me I'm going through a lot of trouble to be religious. There is a difference between legalistic religion and simply doing a duty. A christian IS supposed to be connected with a church, not to be a delocalized electron floating around ready to react with any entity that comes along. If you are a Christian and you're don't have a deep relationship with God and you're thinking that I'M religious, then let me tell you.... if being normal means not having a relationship with God, I'd rather be abnormal.

Dear God, let me make a right decision

Phew, I'm feeling a little better already, now that I've got a little off my chest...

Life is so stressful... I hope my angel and mortal aren't too disappointed this tuesday =/ There's just no time to do anything too elaborate...

If necessary I won't sleep tomorrow then (ahh, when my mother reads this she's gonna confine me to my bed tomorrow night =D) alright, just joking...

Anyway, its really late now... I gotta go... Thanks so much, the various fencers, classmates, ex-classmates etc that have talked in the last week about the above issue...

Isn't it weird, that even though I'm supposed to be a good Christian, I always end up in these CCAs which clash with church?

Gr