~JcZw

Mixed feelings for this one... I didn't expect to do well for Bio and Chem, but I didn't expect to do badly for maths. The world is upside down.

But I'm fortunate, and I think I'm like totally blessed by God to get what I got... But I committed one serious tactical EQ error today which I hope I don't live to regret.

The promise that I made to myself is partially fufilled. I vindicated my Bio for Mrs Foo who predicted death and disaster on my mid years and promos cos of topics such as genetics. I really owe Mr Chong one for helping me over that topic which so many people seemed to do it yi ru fan zhang. But there still remains the toughest one... Chinese.

Honestly, promos were a tough set of papers... Those that I knew how to do, I didn't have time to complete. Those that I didn't, I still didn't have time to complete anyway. Just because a few people did well, doesn't mean everyone is capable of doing well. Don't blame yourself alright... everyone already did their best... n everyone is good in his or her own way.. Cheer up =)
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I've tasted failure at major exams before. In retrospect, I got a gut feeling one day this experience will be of some use further down in my life. But today was the ultimate clanger.

Chinese in the morning was exhausting. Having slept less than 6 hours per night for the last 3 nights, I was already tired enough this morning and the coffee didn't help. I think I conked out halfway. Got a B4 overall, but who cares.. its the actual one that counts.

At least it gave me time to attempt to repair the training buzzers. My penknife is going to become my new addition to my pants-cil case.... Only my pen and knife occupy my pocket now.. the rest have disappeared.

Honestly, I was trying to keep cheerful and optimistic throughout the day. But I'll never forget this sentence that came out in a conversation with classmates.

"You should have seen how hard we [the non-chinese taking people] studied last year".

Why should it stick. Obvious reasons. 7 months. 7 months. I so didn't study lar. And others didn't study and managed to get their grades so easily. Poring over the shou ce in the canteen in school, at home on my bed, as the rain thundered down outside the hawker centre on the 1st November 2004 over a bowl of chicken porridge sitting opposite Xuan Ming. April to November. Sometimes have a photographic memory is self-destructive. Then I wouldn't remember this sentence, nor about the o-levels.

Do not think that only the people who passed worked hard.

I wonder if it would have affected Pei En, Jiamin, Alon, or if it affected Keefe, but somehow I don't think so.

So how to counter this?

Its easy. I just have to fufil the promise to myself. N trusting myself to God as I continue.

"Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away, fly away"
-Fly Away (When I last mentioned these lyrics, people thought I was suicidal. I'm not. )