~JcZw

Without doubt I am so so so irritated with life. Today so many irritating things happened. And I'm totally tired of trying to act happy, diplomatic, yes-sir-no-sir to people I have to deal with in the course of my college life for certain things.

It started with me being tired in the morning, and very worried about exam results. It started with me being depressed that our competition was coming so soon and no one could do anything about it. I shouldn't have thought. The more I thought about it the worst it got.

During assembly the first indication of salt was rubbed into the wound. They announced all the competitions coming out, down to GOLF. Did they announce fencing? No they did not. Why should they? They probably don't even know we have a comp. Come on man, 75% of the teachers themselves don't know there IS a fencing club.

Along the day I ran into Mrs Chan, our teacher-in-charge. I updated her again about the competition, whereupon she icily told me to tell her faster next time. No mean feat considering the application came so late. Then I asked about our appeal for subsidies. She replied

"No, I haven't passed it to the school admin yet. But I mentioned to the principal in the canteen, and she was not very pleased about it."

"So, we have to win something first before we can get money for anything?"

"Yes. We don't have a fencing fund at all. The school doesn't give us any money"

I wanted to ask, so what has golf won? Does the school think it is chickenfeet to beat fencers that have dueled for 4 years? Just because we're a top 3 JC?

And she herself, what has she done? She comes late for training simply to chase us home, so we cannot stay and free fence. She's not committed to us, she doesn't defend us like other CCAs would. She's just a link from the school, to make sure we toe the line. Thats all.

For all that talky-talk in the Operation Backwoodsman that they tried to inculcate us with, nothing, no "improvement" seems to have happened. I have tried, I promise you. I have tried to be optimistic, to shut out the fact that my members are being killed off at FM to the ITE people, or winning narrowly, or being given chance. I have tried to kid myself there is a chance we can do well at U17. I have tried to tell myself that sacrificing the SJ comp will be worth it, that Pasir Ris Cres won't be that difficult to defeat. I have tried to tell myself that my members are good, that they will perform well.

I have tried to be optimistic, to be motivating, to keep spirits up.

But what can you do without the support of the school. No money, no facilities, no time. NO FLEXIBILITY by the STUPID school admin and the teachers?! We WANT to train! We can't train in school cos of the lack of electric apparatus FINE! I KNOW! I UNDERSTAND! But we must muster EVERY SINGLE MEMBER before you make the training LEGAL! We don't have a common timetable for goodness sake! Just throw the rule book out the window for once for goodness sake. How'd you expect us to do well if you keep keeping us down? If you don't want to let us do OUR best that WE can do? Or is it so that you can get more balls for tennis? More sticks for hockey? More jerseys for soccer?

But you can't even spare a cupboard, or you can't even be bothered to KNOW that there is a CCA called Fencing in Victoria Junior College! Golf gets subsidized, bowling gets subsidized. Fencing is just something you can write in your magazines about "We have dynamic new CCAs such as Fencing". Dynamic my foot. The school is not doing anything for it is it?

Fencing is not a recreational CCA. But we are battling tougher opponents than we should be at our standard. Pit the vaunted soccer team against Home United and see who will win.

What hypocritical things we heard in the camp. Sure, "You have a good attitude, keep it up" "You all can do it". Yes indeed, pretty words to hear. Thanks. But an "attitude" cannot be reflected in these results. Our choir can sit around thinking happy thoughts about going for Olympics and all that, but if they did not SING and TRAIN like they are now, they would be nowhere NEAR Malaysia, let alone Germany. Its the hardwork that they put in. But its also the resources that they have. The school supports them and all that. The "12th player", the soccer boys called it. If its all that important, why doesn't the school care?

Why do they care about golf, bowling, etc, but not fencing? Why can't they be bothered while RJ and CJ are. You can be happy and optimistc, but you're still part of the school. If you don't have their support, then you don't need to be under the banner of VJ.

My members have tried their best. They have trained until bruises have formed, until blood flows, backs strain and joints creak. And I mean literally. Unfortunately if we get like, 4th place, no one would care anyway.

I guess thats the way of life then.