~JcZw

Lets just leave it that I'm not feeling normal these few days. And I don't mean in a good way. Life has become positively.... i dunno.... not as nice as just a week ago. I mean, I still enjoy hanging out with my class n all that.... like who cannot see that OSSIS rulez.. heh... but life seems to be different now. Just different. There seems to be many things to worry about now.

Intensive cca has started up. Looks like most likely get a post in First Aid Club provided I don't die at the interview... especially since there are 5 posts but only me n xuan yi running.

Finally got my epee from coach Jeff. Quite an ugly weapon compared to the foil and much heavier too. Oh well... now fencing is on almost every school day. Monday epee with VJ, tuesday foil, wednesday epee free fencing, and thursday for lesson. Well.... I can choose to come or not to come I guess. But seeing all the sports teams, even the performing arts groups doing well... makes you want to contribute too.

Under-17s are held on:

July 2, Individual Epee
July 3, Individual Foil
July 9 (guess who's birthday), Team Epee
July 10, Team Foil

Looks like no one will be in team foil. And I'll be the only VJ person in indiv. foil. Sad.

The ultimate insult to fencing was just after JAE, when Michelle, already with some fencing experience, asked to use fencing to appeal into VJ. Mr Tan Yew Hwee's reply? "No. Fencing is a recreational cca." She left. And we lost an asset to the VJ team. I mean, the ladies' category are always not as highly competitive. If we had a chance, she would have been it.

So the school doesn't treat us like a sport? Fine. Whatever. But it has just fired up the J1sand VIPers more to do something, anything. Special word for the VIPers... they are really great to have around, and they do learn very fast and very well. Coach said to keep them back to train this year and unleash them at the 2006 Novices. Aha... heh... why not.

But just one week of training is past. And I'm beginning to understand the physical limitations of trying to fence 3 days straight. Yesterday I was a few newtons from twisting my ankle because of an elementary mistake doing a stop hit. Next week its four days in a row.

Add to the fact that fencing is held from the evening to the night. 3 nights in a row. And the tuitorials, PW, blahblah are all piling up. Headache man. Usually I can pay off my sleep debts in the weekend. Instead I'm paying off my hw debts.

Its really tiring when you are exercising the whole night, then you're unable to sleep until about half past 12. Even more so when this happens for 3 to 4 days straight. I can't even recollect properly what we had been doing today. I'm don't feel as sharp or as aware of my surroundings as I could have.

The worst thing. And this sounds very weird. Really very weird. I can't remember properly how I used to talk and get along well with others. I'm just like muddling through every relationship from my JC friends to my SJ squad. I don't perceive the thin line of high EQ and going overboard. The easiest thing to do when you're tired is to inadverdantly cross the line and hurt someone in the process. And I probably would not forgive myself if I did that to anyone I know. It would just cause me to lose more sleep.

Or have I already? I can't remember. But it can't be good to be in a physical state which even adrenaline finds difficult to counteract, where you're too tired even to smile.

Maybe it isn't that difficult a task. Because for all I know other people are also enduring what I am doing. For a fact, some of them are, or have done so.

But its not funny. So if I did inadverdantly do something wrong please understand.

I'm feeling totally weird.